Archive for Pass for a 1000

Grandma’s Dead

Found this little gem on Amazon, they definitely have any book you need.

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Of course a face as cute as that would soften the blow

Of course a face as cute as that would soften the blow

How else do you tell your kid?

How else do you tell your kid?

Kids these days...

Kids these days...

The book, entitled : Grandma’s Dead, breaking bad news with baby animals, is available on Amazon.com for only $9.99.

Now I know what to by my sister for her birthday.  She has 3 kids, I’m sure it will come in handy.

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Texting Skills

Just check this guy out.

I thought I was skilled being able to apply make-up, text and drive, but this guy puts me to shame!

What a Cracker!

Discovered this pearler from Seth at 2oceansvibe.

Taking Community watch to a whole new level

Taking Community watch to a whole new level

So the naming and shaming in Woodstock seems to be going well…

Wonder how long it took the operation to move?

Bet they could’ve given Bolt a run for his money.

Dear…

Novel complaint

Novel complaint

At least someone is praying for him.

Divorce Cakes

Divorce is supposed to be a terrible time for all concerned.

Sadness, tears and memories of good times shared.  Sniff.

But according to these ladies it’s something to be celebrated!

The wedding cake industry will never be the same

The wedding cake industry will never be the same

Oops, honey are you okay?

Oops, honey are you okay?

The best part of divorce

I want the piece with his head

Can you say alimony?

Can you say alimony?

So you're free this Friday night?

So you're free this Friday night?

I didn't know diamonds were edible

I didn't know diamonds were edible

If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself

If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself

Hell yeah, loving the style.

Shaik’s Behaviour Explained

So yesterday I reported that old Shaik, our lovable fraudster, had been spotted driving around, playing golf and horror of horrors, buying balloons! Read the erroneous post here.

But don’t panic, before we condemn the poor guy Hayibo has quickly cleared up the confusion.  Apparently his trip was sponsored by reach for a dream.

Below is the article that cleared up the confusion.

Shaik's dream wasn't grand

Shaik's dream wasn't grand

Shaik’s Durban BMW cruise a Reach For A Dream outing

DURBAN. The ANC has confirmed that it was deathly ill fraudster Schabir Shaik who was seen driving through Durban this week, saying that the outing was organized by Reach For A Dream. “Comrade Schabir has only years to live,” said a spokesman, “and he wanted to see his beloved Durban one last time. And buy some balloons. And a pie and a Coke.”

The former financial advisor of President Jacob Zuma was sentenced to 15 years in prison for fraud, but was released on medical parole after serving two years in a private clinic after doctors diagnosed him with a fatal condition known as “life”, an ailment with a 100-percent mortality rate.

At the time of his release various doctors, many of them with actual qualifications earned at genuine training colleges, panel-beaters and ANC re-education centers, explained that Shaik was in the final stage of “life”, with only decades left to live, and urged that he be released from prison to spend his remaining 40 or 50 years with his family at home.

However an alleged sighting of Shaik driving his luxury BMW through Durban this week has again raised questions about his condition.

According to the Democratic Alliance MP who spotted and filmed the alleged outing, the sighting was “manna from white whinger heaven, as if God himself had reached down from the clubhouse of the celestial golf estate” and revealed Shaik to her.

This morning Shaik hit back, describing the alleged video as “a total fabrication”, a statement that many are taking seriously as Shaik is considered a world-class authority on total fabrications.

However, the ANC has stepped in to calm the situation, saying that Shaik’s outing was organized by Reach For A Dream.

According to spokesman Kickbax Mxenge, the “ANC looks after its own”.

“We thought we would do something nice for Comrade Schabir,” he explained. “We asked him to make a list of everything he still wanted to experience in life and one final tour of Durban was fourth on the list.”

He said the first three choices had included being given back all his money, being appointed Deputy President, and setting fire to everyone who had been unkind to him, but Mxenge said that these had been “impractical for now”.

“Which is not to say that Comrade Schabir can’t end up as Deputy President,” he added. “With this government anything is possible.”

Well done Hayibo, what would we do without you?

Taxi Jamming

In Joburg say the word ‘Taxi’ and you’ll see people start foaming at the mouth, veins popping in foreheads and other such seizure-like behaviour.

But some clever Capetonians have taken the negative Taxi association and put it to music.

Thanks to Seth at 2oceansvibe.co.za I discovered a website called Taxijam, where some super cool ous are displaying South Africa’s hottest new musical talent, but the catch is they have to perform their song in a 5 minute taxi ride!

Farryl Purkiss jamming it Taxi style

Farryl Purkiss jamming it Taxi style

Yip pretty cool I thought.

Here’s an expert from the site, which you can visit for yourself here.

“Taxijam is the smallest gig around.

We provide a selection of some of South Africa’s finest creative talent performing in an intimate 5 minute taxi ride.

All clips are recorded and shot in exactly the same style, in one take and uploaded in their unedited format to our website.

Each and every performance is entirely democratic, there are no expensive stages or creative lighting, which makes it possible for viewers watch multiple musicians in exactly the same context.

We are not selective about what genre we shoot – We will shoot artists, musicians, poets, performers and basically anyone who blows us away….”

So go spread the positive word this Wednesday morning, and have a listen to some of the rad performances.

Just what I needed for a mid-week pick me up.

Jeremy Clarkson Does It Again

He has upset the Germans once before.

Now Jeremy Clarkson may have done it again, this time probably also offending the Poles just for good measure.

The presenter has made a spoof car advert that jokes about Germany’s invasion of Poland, which led to the Second World War.

Hmmmmmm.
But it’s still f*%#ing funny.

Hell Hath No Fury

I’ve always imagined what I would do if I discovered my significant other was cheating on me.

Cut up their clothes?  Scratch their car?

But these three women came up with an even better revenge.

Three times the power of fury

Three times the power of fury

These three ladies were alerted by the cheating scumbag’s wife that he was sleeping with all of them at the same time.

So they lured him to a hotel, and, wait for it…

Superglued his penis to his stomach!!!!

Ouch!

One tube ought to do it

One tube ought to do it

Below is the article from the DailyMail.

A sticky end: Scorned women exact painful revenge on cheating husband with superglue

Top 5 Jobs

So seeing as I already have my dream job. Cough cough…

Are you reading this boss?

Thought I’d share 5 of the most interesting/weird jobs out there.

Zombie (salary: £30,000)
At almost the same time as the Somerset caves were looking for a new witch, the London Bridge Experience and London Tombs (which is in London, we think) was advertising for a new zombie. The spooky attraction said that, due to the economic downturn, they had a record number of applicants for the undead role – which eventually went to Louie McKenna, 23, from Birmingham, and former archaeologist Jeremiah O’Connor, 26, from Cork.

State Jester (salary negotiable)
A job that hasn’t existed for over 350 years was unexpectedly advertised again in 2004, when English Heritage decided that the nation really needed a state jester again. Nobody had held that role since the reign of Charles I in 1649, after which notorious funnyman Oliver Cromwell abolished the post.

Porn presenter (salary: £220 per shift)
If you thought that Jobcentres never had any interesting jobs, think again – earlier this month, they advertised for the host of a TV porn channel. The job requires good communication skills, as duties involve ‘explicit sexual dialogue’, and you must be willing to work semi-naked. If that job interests you, you might also want to know about the strip club holding a lapdance job fair.

Watching paint dry (salary: undisclosed)
If you think your job is dull, spare a thought for Keith Jackson: a worker at paint manufacturer Aquatic Coatings, whose job is to watch (and time) paint drying. ‘It may be boring, but it’s important that the paint dries quickly,’ he notes, sagely.

Reg knew it was a tough job, but someone had to do it

Reg knew it was a tough job, but someone had to do it

The Best Job In The World (salary: £73,400, plus perks)
A PR stunt to promote tourism in Queensland went better than any marketing man could dream, as the offer of a highly paid job which mostly consisted of swimming, exploring and generally chilling right the hell out on an island in the Great Barrier Reef prompted a flood of entries and worldwide media attention. The eventual successful applicant was a Brit, bungee jumping and scuba diving enthusiast Ben Southall, who immediately earned the hatred of pretty much everyone else in the world.

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