Archive for Epic Fail

Give Thanks

Now where are the yams?

That’s right – give thanks you are not this poor child.

The Americans always take their holidays to the extreme, but this is just ridiculous.

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Now I’ve Heard It All

Internet dating is just something I will never do… (Never say never right?) But my greatest fear is how do you know that the person you are talking to is really who they say they are?

Or remotely look like their supposed profile picture?

But one little man in Taiwan took his deception a step further, as told by the Metro.co.uk.

I did look like my picture - in 1959

Women tricked into sex by ‘medical condition’ man

A middle-aged Taiwanese man tricked up to 20 women into sleeping with him by claiming he had a rare medical condition.

Hsu Shian-ming allegedly posted photos of a handsome young man on dating sites and received a string of romantic inquiries.

He would then tell the women on the phone he had a father who had a medical condition which meant he had to have constant sex to stay alive.

The women would then meet up with the ‘father’ at various hotels in the capital Taipei.

One of his victims became suspicious after constant attempts to see the son were unsuccessful.

Really, that was when they became suspicious?

It’s Official – Pommies are the Ugliest People

Well I could’ve told you that.  When I lived in London last year I didn’t date. Not once.

I honestly could not find one man that didn’t make me want to throw up my lunch on him and send him off to the dentist.  Perhaps I was being a tad harsh?

But the DailyMail and a website called BeautifulPeople fully agree with me.

article-0-023C979D000005DC-834_468x292

Would you like a pint love?

Really they are an unattractive bunch of people (generally).

Below is the article from the DailyMail.

Brits among the ‘ugliest people in the world’

Stevie Wonder’s twitter

Bush couldn't understand why Stevie wouldn't wave back

Bush couldn't understand why Stevie wouldn't wave back

twit fever is hitting celebs hard.

It is kind of cool being able to read random thoughts from John Cleese and Jessica Simpson… (Quite a contradiction I might say)

But now Stevie is trying his hand at this twitter thing.

I think you can guess where this is going.

Stevie Wonder’s twitter account.

Let's get twitfaced

Let's get twitfaced

People Of Walmart

This is why I love America, it is filled with such classy individuals.

Especially at Walmart.  This is where the full glory of America and her people can be seen.

Cause I always have the odd dead relative in my boot

Cause I always have the odd dead relative in my boot

And some clever people have created a site dedicated just to those wonderful freaks of nature that you spot when shopping – peopleofwalmart.

I think we could create our own South African version, “Check What I saw at Checkers”.

Yes you are seeing a 65+ man with delicious breast implants

Yes you are seeing a 65+ man with delicious breast implants

Kanye, You’re a C#nt

From bestweekever.TV, here are the top 6 theories behind Kanye’s c#nt-like behaviour at the VMA’s.

6. HE’S GONE FULL RETARD We’re actually serious about this. Only a few hours after the incident, Kanye blogged a sort of non-pology, saying that he’s sorry for what he did, but still believing that the action was completely and totally necessary BECAUSE BEYONCE DESERVED IT YEEZY. Read this and cry a blood tear that this man is definitely wealthier than you are:

I are a ....

I are a ....

5. HAIR WARNING: Kanye was still a little zonked and light-headed after the Ghost of Keith Haring visited him with a buzzsaw (much like he once did to an unsuspecting Grace Jones) as evidenced here:

Come on Taylor, don't be dissing a brother's do

Come on Taylor, don't be dissing a brother's do

4. HUG LIFE: Kelly Clarkson — one of this year’s VH1 Divas, and now we know why — wonders aloud on her blog I Am Kelly if Kanye is acting out following a less than warm childhood:

Dear Kanye,

KELLY CLARKSON KANYE WESTWhat happened to you as a child?? Did you not get hugged enough??… I mean, I’ve seen you do some pretty sh*tty things, but you just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways. It’s absolutely fascinating how much I don’t like you. I like everyone. I even like my asshole ex that cheated on me over you…which is pretty odd since I don’t even personally know you. The best part of this evening is that you weren’t even up for THIS award and yet you still have a problem with the outcome. Is winning a moon man that much of a life goal?? You can have mine if it will shut you up. Is it that important, really??…
On a side note, Beyonce has always been a class act and proved again tonight that she still is. Go TEXAS!!

Taylor Swift, you outsell him ….that’s why he’s bitter. You know I love your work! Keep it up girl!

KC 🙂

If we come across Kelly at the event this Thursday, we will high five her for the world.

3. #1 SH*T RECORD:

Singer Pink thinks it might have something to do with the fact that Kanye is a Guinness World Record holder as “World’s Largest Piece of Dookie”:

@Pink: Kanye west is the biggest piece of sh*t on earth. Quote me.

2. WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME: Kanye thought for a brief moment that he was at an event that was much, much, much, much more important than the VMAs:

1. BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL: Kanye was not in his right mind, as he had just downed a bottle and a half of Henny. He was so drunk, in fact, that he insisted he would not leave the show until security found his date, who just happened to be a Giant Bootysnake from Planet Androgynintonic whom he also hallucinated:

Class your ass

Class your ass

Hmmmm, some of them could have merit.

Although I think the snake lady had something to do with it…

Caleb Needs a Penis or Two

Caleb needs some dudes to go on his Facebook to prove to his girlfriend that he’s got a lot of male friends, let’s help him out guys.

Damn I don't have a penis, yet

Damn I don't have a penis, yet

Kid Loves to Suck

Okay so here is one kid who is never going to fit in.

I mean never.

His parents might as well accept that he is going to live with them forever and should start his blow-up doll fund now.

On the the other hand their house must be really clean…

I just shudder to think what happens when he hits puberty and discovers what else hoovers can be used for.

I’d also suggest regularly checking those vacuum bags for body parts.

Evil Never Dies

And then Morgan bent over and I went...

And then Morgan bent over and I went...

Old Bob, the father of all evil was rushed off to hospital.  Reports over his condition are conflicting, but I think Hayibo hit it on the head.

Mugabe in hospital after spill with holy water and garlic

HARARE. Undead Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe is reportedly receiving medical treatment in Dubai after coming into contact with holy water and garlic. According to Mugabe’s surgeons, the 85-year-old sustained third-degree burns from the water after a demon-hunter doused him in it while he was sucking the immortal soul from a baby in a sewer.

Mugabe has been largely ignored by the international media in recent months, mainly because he has been sleeping in a box in a crypt, reportedly to allow Zimbabwe’s malnourished citizens to grow fresh blood.

According to the United Nations, Mugabe’s undead demon-sleep has allowed Zimbabwe’s economy to be upgraded from Completely Destroyed to only Catastrophically Compromised.

Global leaders have also praised Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai, appointed by Mugabe because he has the word “fang” in his surname, and say that as long as he can prevent Mugabe from biting him in the face in the next few years, Zimbabwe could soon gain Almost Failed State status.

However this morning it emerged that Mugabe was in a private clinic in Dubai, receiving treatment for severe burns sustained after he was doused with holy water and exposed to garlic.

Asked why Mugabe opted to travel to Dubai instead of seeking help at a Zimbabwean hospital, an aide explained that Zimbabwean hospitals no longer had certain key pieces of medical equipment such as doors, walls, or roofs.

Staff at the exclusive clinic were tight lipped about Mugabe’s current condition, believed to be “stable but evil”, but a statement released this morning confirmed that he had been severely burned by holy water after being “interrupted during a meal” in a sewer by a freelance demon-hunter.

“Mr Mugabe was sitting down to orally remove the immortal soul of an unnamed infant through its jugular when he was cynically ambushed by a reactionary imperialist occultist,” read the statement.

It confirmed that Mugabe had suffered extensive burns, mostly to his large leathery wings, and that he had also suffered severe garlic poisoning, but it went on to reassure Zimbabweans that Mugabe would be “right as rain after a good sleeps in his favourite pine box”.

In response, Zimbabweans said, “Yay.”

Gender Confused

It appears that one of our top medal hopefuls, Caster Semenya’s, gender has been called into question.

I’m not one to judge but seriously, half of the athletes that are supposedly ‘female’ seem very suspicious to me.  But our poor Caster is the one to undergo “gender testing”.

I would hate to know what that entails!

But what makes it more bizarre for me is that she has apparently been under ‘suspicion’ before, undergone the tests and been declared female.

What more could the Germans want?  Did she quickly have a sex-change since her last test?

Come on guys!

Below is an article from the Herald Sun.

Another reason not to give your kids gender ambivalent names

Another reason not to give your kids gender ambivalent names

Doubts over South African sprinter Caster Semenya’s sex.

IS SHE a he? That is the question being asked at the world championships about South Africa’s Caster Semenya.

The 18-year-old  800m gold medal favourite has burst on to the world scene in recent months, with her appearance, including obvious facial hair, and muscular build igniting speculation about her gender.

The IAAF is aware of the issue and has conducted physical tests and genetic screening to try to determine the legitimacy of Semenya’s sex.

An overnight meeting of officials in Berlin was expected to determine whether she takes her place in tomorrow morning’s 800m final.

Semenya announced her arrival at last month’s African junior titles, running 1min 56.72sec, which was more than seven seconds faster than her best the previous year.

Semenya, who hails from a remote part of the Limpopo province, clocked 1:58.66 to win her semi-finals yesterday, relegating Kenyan world champion Janeth Jepkosgei to third.

I smell a disgruntled Aussie somewhere in this…

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