Evil Never Dies

And then Morgan bent over and I went...

And then Morgan bent over and I went...

Old Bob, the father of all evil was rushed off to hospital.  Reports over his condition are conflicting, but I think Hayibo hit it on the head.

Mugabe in hospital after spill with holy water and garlic

HARARE. Undead Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe is reportedly receiving medical treatment in Dubai after coming into contact with holy water and garlic. According to Mugabe’s surgeons, the 85-year-old sustained third-degree burns from the water after a demon-hunter doused him in it while he was sucking the immortal soul from a baby in a sewer.

Mugabe has been largely ignored by the international media in recent months, mainly because he has been sleeping in a box in a crypt, reportedly to allow Zimbabwe’s malnourished citizens to grow fresh blood.

According to the United Nations, Mugabe’s undead demon-sleep has allowed Zimbabwe’s economy to be upgraded from Completely Destroyed to only Catastrophically Compromised.

Global leaders have also praised Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai, appointed by Mugabe because he has the word “fang” in his surname, and say that as long as he can prevent Mugabe from biting him in the face in the next few years, Zimbabwe could soon gain Almost Failed State status.

However this morning it emerged that Mugabe was in a private clinic in Dubai, receiving treatment for severe burns sustained after he was doused with holy water and exposed to garlic.

Asked why Mugabe opted to travel to Dubai instead of seeking help at a Zimbabwean hospital, an aide explained that Zimbabwean hospitals no longer had certain key pieces of medical equipment such as doors, walls, or roofs.

Staff at the exclusive clinic were tight lipped about Mugabe’s current condition, believed to be “stable but evil”, but a statement released this morning confirmed that he had been severely burned by holy water after being “interrupted during a meal” in a sewer by a freelance demon-hunter.

“Mr Mugabe was sitting down to orally remove the immortal soul of an unnamed infant through its jugular when he was cynically ambushed by a reactionary imperialist occultist,” read the statement.

It confirmed that Mugabe had suffered extensive burns, mostly to his large leathery wings, and that he had also suffered severe garlic poisoning, but it went on to reassure Zimbabweans that Mugabe would be “right as rain after a good sleeps in his favourite pine box”.

In response, Zimbabweans said, “Yay.”


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