Archive for July, 2009

Top 5 Jobs

So seeing as I already have my dream job. Cough cough…

Are you reading this boss?

Thought I’d share 5 of the most interesting/weird jobs out there.

Zombie (salary: £30,000)
At almost the same time as the Somerset caves were looking for a new witch, the London Bridge Experience and London Tombs (which is in London, we think) was advertising for a new zombie. The spooky attraction said that, due to the economic downturn, they had a record number of applicants for the undead role – which eventually went to Louie McKenna, 23, from Birmingham, and former archaeologist Jeremiah O’Connor, 26, from Cork.

State Jester (salary negotiable)
A job that hasn’t existed for over 350 years was unexpectedly advertised again in 2004, when English Heritage decided that the nation really needed a state jester again. Nobody had held that role since the reign of Charles I in 1649, after which notorious funnyman Oliver Cromwell abolished the post.

Porn presenter (salary: £220 per shift)
If you thought that Jobcentres never had any interesting jobs, think again – earlier this month, they advertised for the host of a TV porn channel. The job requires good communication skills, as duties involve ‘explicit sexual dialogue’, and you must be willing to work semi-naked. If that job interests you, you might also want to know about the strip club holding a lapdance job fair.

Watching paint dry (salary: undisclosed)
If you think your job is dull, spare a thought for Keith Jackson: a worker at paint manufacturer Aquatic Coatings, whose job is to watch (and time) paint drying. ‘It may be boring, but it’s important that the paint dries quickly,’ he notes, sagely.

Reg knew it was a tough job, but someone had to do it

Reg knew it was a tough job, but someone had to do it

The Best Job In The World (salary: £73,400, plus perks)
A PR stunt to promote tourism in Queensland went better than any marketing man could dream, as the offer of a highly paid job which mostly consisted of swimming, exploring and generally chilling right the hell out on an island in the Great Barrier Reef prompted a flood of entries and worldwide media attention. The eventual successful applicant was a Brit, bungee jumping and scuba diving enthusiast Ben Southall, who immediately earned the hatred of pretty much everyone else in the world.

Barney Helps Little Boy Brush Teeth

Hmmm found this clip from Barney showing how fun it is to brush your teeth…

This little boy just seems to darn excited about brushing his teeth.

Look how Barney just stands there watching him, with such a creepy look on his dinosaur face.

Wanted: Zombie, Includes Dental

An unusual job is returning from the dead amid the doom and gloom of recession – but it involves playing a zombie.

While many commuters might feel like the undead on their journey to work, a London tourist attraction is offering the chance to make a career out of it.

Record numbers of people applied for a £30,000-a-year job performing the role of a zombie at the London Bridge Experience and London Tombs in Tooley Street.

Auditions are being held tomorrow to fill the vacancy.

The centre, which opened three years ago, said visitor numbers had shot up after it was voted the UK’s best scare attraction last year and more staff were needed.

General manager James Kislingbury said: “With more than 50 applicants for the position of ‘zombie’, the current high unemployment rate has led to record applicant numbers and requires a selection process.”

The wannabe zombies will be put through their paces by a team of “scare administrators”.

Applicants have to bring their own clothing, and be prepared to handle the make-up process before displaying their acting, role-play and haunting skills.

The London Bridge Experience and Tombs, situated in the catacombs of London Bridge, allows visitors to learn historical facts in a scary environment with special effects.

Scare administrators.  Sounds like a ‘frightful’ job.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Tomato sauce just didn't have the same effect

Tomato sauce just didn't have the same effect

But for 30k a year I think I could muster up a fearsome Zombie grin, or at least a convincing baring of the teeth.

Mugabe Conned

A lady who can make diesel come out of a rock…

Sounds legit to me, as it did to Mugabe when a dodgy medicine woman managed to con Mugabe’s government out of US$1m (note that is US not Zim, she wasn’t so stupid after all).

Below is the full story from News24.

Unleaded was proving more of a challenge

Unleaded was proving more of a challenge

Trickster convicted of fraud

Harare – A medicine woman, who conned President Robert Mugabe’s government out of about US$1m by bamboozling ministers into believing she could tap diesel fuel from a rock, was convicted of fraud at the weekend, state media reported on Monday.

Rotina Mavhunga, who goes by the alias of Nomatter Tagirira, found an abandoned fuel tank in the bush near the northern town of Chinhoyi in March 2007.

She filled it with diesel, attached a pipe to the outlet and concealed it at the top of a rock, the Chinhoyi magistrate’s court heard.

She then summoned top government officials to witness her “discovery.” At a signal, a hidden accomplice would open the tap on the pipe and the officials would gasp in amazement as refined diesel poured down the side of the rock.

A cabinet “task force” dispatched by Mugabe to investigate the claim returned to declare that Zimbabwe’s persistent fuel shortages were at an end. Government officials and businessmen lavished money and vehicles on the medium until several months later, when a second group of ministers began to express doubt in the woman.

Judge Ignatius Mugova found Mavhunga guilty of defrauding the government of about US$1m, and of “misrepresenting to a public official” that she could conjure diesel from a stone, the state-controlled Herald daily reported.

The magistrate also named one of the country’s most powerful civil servants, registrar-general Tobaiwa Mudede, as “an interested party” in the fraud.

Mudede, who has run the country’s elections since 2000, had supplied 125 litres of diesel, which the mystic poured down the rock, the judge revealed. When Mavhunga went on the run from police, she was hidden and fed by Mudede, Mugova said.

While finding his behaviour was “disturbing” the judge said he was not convinced Mudede was acting out of self-interest.

Many people who visited Mavhunga’s “shrine” were “gullible” and were clearly “frightened” of her alleged spiritual power, referring to reports that members of the investigating cabinet task force took off their shoes in her presence.

During the trial, Mavhunga would start growling in the dock before the terror-stricken public gallery, but the magistrate said she had been faking a trance to try and have herself declared unfit for trial.

Her conviction was passed “in absentia”, as she had repeatedly failed to turn up after being served the summons, and was believed to be in hiding, the Herald said. Sentencing is expected later in the week.

Bigamist Cries Divorce!

So it seems Emily Horne, the brazen bigamist I discovered here has been given a suspended sentence after her last attempt at bigamy and has seen the error of her ways.

She actually wants a divorce!  Heavens to betsy but it seems that the leopard does change it spots.

Emily was struggling to come up with a sixth colour scheme

Emily was struggling to come up with a sixth colour scheme

Outside court she vowed to get a divorce at last  –  leaving her free to marry her latest ‘victim’, 30-year-old Wayne Harper.

‘I’m just delighted to be free but I think it is about time I got a divorce,’ Horne said. ‘I need to put all this behind me. I was fully expecting to be sent down but I have been vindicated.’

She has already moved into Mr Harper’s parents’ home and is said to be intent on making him husband number six.

Horne met Mr Harper, a glazier, when he visited a hospital casualty department for treatment to a cycling injury. Horne was in hospital for a minor operation.

The pair struck up a relationship and days later she moved into the three-bedroom ex-council house he shares with his parents in Kingswinford, West Midlands.

One friend said: ‘It wouldn’t surprise me if they waited for all the fuss of the court case to die down before announcing they were to get married.

‘Emily seems intent on beating Elizabeth Taylor for the number of husbands though we’re all hoping Wayne might be “the one” she is looking for.

‘They make such a sweet couple  –  but I am sure that has probably been said before.’

Here Comes the Bride

Thanks to Gareth Cliff on 5fm this morning I have found the cheeriest up video of the day…

Almost makes me want to get married.

Almost.

Billie Jean Wasn’t Lying!

Breaking news – Billie Jean wasn’t lying and Micheal Jackson did leave a love child hanging around, specifically in Norway.

Omer was looking at changing his name to "Lappie"

Omer was looking at changing his name to "Lappie"

Michael Jackson’s brother Jermaine has vowed to welcome Omer Bhatti into the Jackson clan if he proves to be the singer’s fourth child.

The 25-year-old Norwegian rapper sat in the front row with the Jackson family at the singer’s memorial service in Los Angeles two weeks ago.

Jermaine Jackson said he wasn’t yet sure whether Omer, said to have been the result of a one-stand stand, was his brother’s son. But if he was a Jackson, he would be treated exactly the same as Michael’s three younger children, he said.

‘If Omer’s his son, he’s his son,’ Jermaine declared yesterday.

‘We won’t deny it. We are going to give him the same love and care that we give Prince and Paris and Blanket. I can’t clearly say if he is Michael’s but I saw this kid around him.’

Jermaine said Omer, who as a child looked remarkably like Jackson’s seven-year-old son Blanket, was moved to the family seats at the memorial service by Jackson’s eldest sister Rebbie. She wanted him closer to their mother, Katherine.

Omer is said to be seeking a DNA test to find out whether Jackson was his father.

In dark sunglasses and a black suit, he looked just like a member of the family as he bowed his head while listening to tributes to the King of Pop at the July 7 service.

The Thriller singer reportedly told close friends several years ago that he fathered Omer after a one-night stand with a Norwegian fan in 1984.

So MJ you were the one…

No Sense Adsense

Here are some serious contenders for the world’s most WTF ads.

Sleepovers at Uncle Jim's house would never be the same

Sleepovers at Uncle Jim's house would never be the same

You must bring your own mexican cause mom and daughter are going to finish theirs

You must bring your own mexican cause mom and daughter are going to finish theirs

Somehow I'd be glad to be single on this Valentine's Day

Somehow I'd be glad to be single on this Valentine's Day

Of course it's believable

Of course it's believable

Fred didn't let his lack of lips stand in the way of his dream

Fred didn't let his lack of lips stand in the way of his dream

Now that's something to be proud of

Now that's something to be proud of

Please give me your dentist's number

Please give me your dentist's number

Gay Penguin Pepper Not Happy

Pepper just needed one more rock and the rent-boy was his

Pepper just needed one more rock and the rent-boy was his

So even penguins have a tough time in love, and being gay doesn’t help.

Below is an article from the Metro detailing the skandaal going on between Pepper, Harry and the home-wrecker Linda.

Two gay male penguins have split up after becoming involved in a love triangle.

Harry and Pepper shared the same nest for six years and even raised an abandoned chick together. But then Harry fell for his widowed neighbour, Linda.

The Magellanic penguins have now moved in together, leaving Pepper feeling somewhat dejected at San Francisco Zoo.

Harry’s behaviour has sparked outrage on the internet and Linda was branded a ‘home wrecker’.

One blogger, John, writing on The Frigging Loon site, said he hoped Pepper ‘finds another male penguin ten times hotter than Harry!’.

Curator Harrison Edell offers an explanation for the split.

Linda’s recently deceased partner had two nests making her ‘a pretty attractive prospect’, he said.

So listen Pepper it looks to me like Henry is just a gold – or should I say nest digger…

You’re better off without him.

And remember the best way to get over someone is under someone else!

Sliimy??

So apparently the Internet given the latest freak his 15 minutes of fame…

Sliimy, some skinny guy in glasses, does covers of artists’ songs, like Brit’s womanizer.

He has them all in a tiz and twitter is doing some hectic traffic with all the stars asking the same question.

Who the f%&*$k is Sliimy??

Well just to you can say you saw it here first, allow me to introduce Sliimy!

Now run along and spread it.

Go on.

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